Japanese tea ceremony was performed at a hospice event.

I had no desire to go to America and my English was not good.

Kayo Imamura, a family and marriage counseling therapist based in San Diego, originally came to the United States in 2004 to marry a U.S. military man.

“When I was in Japan, a friend of mine got engaged to a US soldier, and, thanks to their relationship, I met her fiance’s friend.. I wasn't very good at English, and I didn't have any particular desire to go to America, but I decided to come to San Diego to live with him. But his alcohol problems became serious and my marriage fell apart. I later married an American man, the father of my children, and stayed with him for 18 years, but I got divorced before the pandemic. Since then, I've been a single mother raising a college-aged son and a high school-aged daughter.”

Although Imamura says she was not good at English, she was actually exposed to English at home from a young age. Her father volunteered them to be a host family for foreign students, so there were always foreign students staying at her home.

“My father believed that if we had friends all over the world, the world would be a more peaceful place. The students who stayed with us would later come back with their families, and we would maintain long-term relationships. So, when I first came to the US, I could speak simple, everyday English, but it was only enough for everyday conversation. At first, people around me would say, ‘Your English is good,’ but after five years, I wasn't improving at all.”

Helping a Japanese wife led her back to school

After her second marriage, Imamura lived as a full-time housewife, taking care of her children. But, at the same time, she worked hard as a volunteer helping Japanese wives in need on the military base.

“One time, a Japanese woman who was living in a shelter with her two children asked me to help her by receiving 300,000 yen from her mother living in Japan, and then give it to her at the shelter. I was surprised when I heard from her how she spent the money. She, in her mid-30s, said, ‘I'm going to use this money to go back to school.’ I was also in my mid-30s. She showed me that it was still possible to go to school, so I decided to go back to school to learn English and get a qualification.”

Imamura, who had an interest in dietary education, initially wanted to become a qualified nutritionist. However, her path changed after she came across psychology teaching materials in her ESL classes.

“Since I majored in psychology when I went to university in Japan, I was also very interested in it. So I decided to enter the field of psychology in the United States, and completed graduate school while raising my children.”

With my son and daughter after my graduate school graduation ceremony in the spring of 2019.

After becoming a therapist in 2017, she worked as a counselor at a charter school, then moved to a hospice, where she also worked on “loss care” before starting her independent practice, which is where she works now. She currently spends her days providing counseling, mainly in loss care, trauma, international marriages, etc.

From a submissive Japanese personality, independence blossomed in America

It's been about 20 years since she came to America. How might Imamura's values and way of thinking have changed? “I think I've become more independent. In Japan, I went to an all-girls school for 10 years and valued harmony with those around me. However, when I came to America, words like “self-assertion” and “independence” were flying around me, and I started to lose my submissive Japanese attitude. It was a real bolt from the blue for me.”

Imamura, who is now independently working as a therapist in the United States, has not obtained American citizenship as of 2024. How does she view her own identity?

“I consider myself to be Japanese, and my legal identity (as a Japanese national with a green card) is also Japanese. However, since coming to the United States, my own values and way of thinking have been influenced, and are constantly adapting and transforming. In terms of my sense of identity, I feel like I belong completely to neither Japan nor America.”

The environment one is in also seems to affect attitudes. “My daughter says that if I go to Japan, the way I communicate will change. Humans are animals, so I guess they adapt to their environment. Maybe, if I were to go to Japan, I’d look Japanese, but, when I’d return to America, I’d look American.”

When asked about her future plans, she said, “The possibility of me returning to Japan is not zero. My children are still in the US, aged 19 and 15 and a half, so I plan to remain in the US as a responsible person until they can stand on their own two feet. But, after that, who knows what’ll happen?”

Originally, Imamura's reason for going to the United States was not to study abroad, but to get married. In her 30s, she broke away from her passive past and returned to school to pursue her potential, and ended up becoming a therapist. It seems that, in the US, she is the protagonist of her own life.

Website: https://www.kayotherapy.com

© 2024 Keiko Fukuda