Studying abroad in the US after raising children
Kyoko Sugimoto Hicks first came to America at the age of 18. She currently lives near Los Angeles and welcomes and looks after skateboarding students from Japan. She recalls, "The reason I came to America for the first time was to visit my brother who was studying abroad in Connecticut. I've always loved American goods, and I used to frequent Sony Plaza (a shop in Japan that sells overseas accessories and cosmetics)."
However, after that, she got married in Japan and became a mother of two children, and then divorced and became a single mother, so raising her children became her top priority. "I had always wanted to come to America. So when my second son turned 20, I declared that I was done raising my children and decided to study in America myself." Even before that, Kyoko had made many short trips to America with her children. Her second son, Eisei, became passionate about skateboarding after experiencing it in California, and he developed his talent and quickly became famous as a Japanese child skateboarder, and now serves as a judge at the Japan Skateboarding Championships.
In fact, Eisei says that when he was 10 years old, he once tried to study abroad with his mother for a year.
"I had planned to get a student visa and stay in the US with my son. I don't know why, but my visa was rejected. At the time, I was a single mother, so perhaps they thought I had come in on a student visa and planned to stay. I was worried that if I persisted any longer I might not be able to enter and leave the country normally, so I gave up on my plan to get a student visa and study abroad as a mother and son. Still, I came to the US with my son 30 times before I came here alone to study in 2014."
Gaps in America I've lived in
Kyoko, in her 40s, enrolled in an ESL course at a community college near Los Angeles and finally began her long-awaited life in America. She later remarried an African-American man she met and obtained permanent residency. Kyoko, who has been in America for eight years, responded as follows when asked about the gap she feels between the America she experienced as a visitor and the America she has lived in.
"First, I learned the importance of credit scores. I didn't realize that you can't do anything in America without a good credit score. Then there's the culture of donations. In Japan, if you receive something for free, you just say thank you, but in America, you have to respond with a donation. Then, when my husband's relatives came to stay at our house, I saw an auntie spending over 30 minutes every morning braiding her daughter's hair into dreadlocks. I think that's a culture that only black people have, but it really showed me the deep love a mother has for her child.
Furthermore, Americans often praise others when educating others. I am currently training American staff at the restaurant where I work part-time, and I and all the other Japanese staff noticed things that needed to be corrected from a Japanese perspective and pointed them out. The American manager told me, "Praise us first. Then give us some advice." It was only when I heard that that I became aware of the American way of educating others."
Has she changed in America? "I haven't changed. But maybe my attitude has changed since I learned the differences between America and Japan. For example, medical costs are high in America, so I've become more conscious of eating healthier."
You won't know until you come
Kyoko's main job is to welcome short-term skateboarding exchange students from Japan.
"I don't just want the children to experience and learn about skateboarding, I want them to see the real America when they go back. For example, in America, if someone shows off an amazing move, even if it's a rival, they're praised profusely. I want the children to take the American custom of praising people who have worked hard back to Japan. I also want them to properly convey the great things about America to their Japanese parents. Furthermore, parents have to pay to send their children to America to study skateboarding, so I also have the children write thank-you letters to their parents during their stay."
Kyoko, who realized her dream of living in America after she was no longer a mother, was asked "What advice would you give to people who think it's too late to study or go to America?" Her answer was harsh, but convincing: "I would say, why don't you just come to America? If it doesn't work out, you can just go back to Japan. If you hesitate, time will just pass by. If you say you want to go but can't, and don't act, then in my opinion you're not serious. I ended up getting married here, but I came here thinking I'd try coming to America for five years on a student visa. I don't think you'll know if you can make it unless you come to America first."
After moving to the US, Kyoko wanted to try skateboarding, a sport she had long watched Eisei do, and so she became a skateboarder herself. She has also recently become addicted to soul line dancing, a dance unique to African dance that is danced in large groups with a relaxed feel, almost like walking. "When I saw everyone dancing, I wanted to be allowed to join in, but for about two months no one paid any attention to me. But eventually they let me in, and last year I even took part in a national competition held in New Orleans."
Kyoko-san talks about her future ambitions, saying that while she looks after the skateboarders who come from Japan, she also plans to focus on spreading the word about soul line dancing in Japan. It seems that she definitely has a reason to stay in America.
Kyoko Sugimoto Hicks' blog: https://ameblo.jp/caskatepark/
© 2023 Keiko Fukuda
